Being a bitch...

I feel like a lot of people's views have changed about me and my personality. I used to be the shy, quiet girl who never really spoke my mind. I wouldn't say I'm a mean bitch now, but I was submissive, stepped on, and treated badly during the socially formative years of my life, so I feel like it's finally my turn to state my opinion about whomever and whatever I please (with limits, of course.)

Back in middle school, if a girl didn't like someone else, other girls wouldn't think she was a bitch for speaking her mind; they would agree and think she was so cool. I was the victim of a bitch like this, and from middle school to high school, I let shit like that go instead of standing up for myself. I figured, why speak my mind or ask what was wrong and ruffle feathers in the process? I let someone alienate people against me for her own selfish social needs. I wish I spoke up and stood up for myself back then, so now I say whatever I want to if something bothers me.

I really hated middle school (almost typed that out as midtle... I blame my recent lessons on phonemes and allophones.) I put on a happy face, but my quietness was also a cover-up for my unhappiness. I felt like whatever I said would be used against me, and I figured that the less I said, the less someone would have a reason to hate me. I still have a hard time trusting girls (and people in general,) but shit happens.

With that being said.... I love my life right now and wouldn't change it for anything in the world. I have a boyfriend who loves me and cares about me no matter what stupid thing I say, and I'm finally being social again.

Edit: This is in no way an attack on anybody who actually knows about this blog or has spoken to me within the past 5 years. I just feel like my new openness/bitchiness could be taken as being a "disparaging" person (hah, who knows where that's from?? I think only three of us know...) but I think most of my recent bitchiness is warranted. Hotel manager being rude and bitchy to me and my friends? I'll be a bitch to you. Idiot who doesn't have elevator etiquette? I'll be a bitch when you don't hold the door for me and your friends stand in the way of me getting inside. Sarcasm? Not being a bitch, but sorry if it is taken as being bitchy.

I also wanted to get that whole middle school stuff off my chest since I don't think I've ever talked about it with anyone other than Darryl. A couple of you made it known during middle school that it wasn't me you were ignoring--the ignoring of Vivian was kind of a package deal including me, though. We were all young and stupid.