Competition

Sigh... so, since there are a very limited number of grad student spots for the program I want to get into, it is SO competitive in the classes I'm taking now!! I have to get an A in each class if I want to be considered for a spot (and these are only 2 of 15 classes I have to take.) The scariness of it all is making me more unmotivated to study.... not sure why, but it needs to change NOW!

Being a bitch...

I feel like a lot of people's views have changed about me and my personality. I used to be the shy, quiet girl who never really spoke my mind. I wouldn't say I'm a mean bitch now, but I was submissive, stepped on, and treated badly during the socially formative years of my life, so I feel like it's finally my turn to state my opinion about whomever and whatever I please (with limits, of course.)

Back in middle school, if a girl didn't like someone else, other girls wouldn't think she was a bitch for speaking her mind; they would agree and think she was so cool. I was the victim of a bitch like this, and from middle school to high school, I let shit like that go instead of standing up for myself. I figured, why speak my mind or ask what was wrong and ruffle feathers in the process? I let someone alienate people against me for her own selfish social needs. I wish I spoke up and stood up for myself back then, so now I say whatever I want to if something bothers me.

I really hated middle school (almost typed that out as midtle... I blame my recent lessons on phonemes and allophones.) I put on a happy face, but my quietness was also a cover-up for my unhappiness. I felt like whatever I said would be used against me, and I figured that the less I said, the less someone would have a reason to hate me. I still have a hard time trusting girls (and people in general,) but shit happens.

With that being said.... I love my life right now and wouldn't change it for anything in the world. I have a boyfriend who loves me and cares about me no matter what stupid thing I say, and I'm finally being social again.

Edit: This is in no way an attack on anybody who actually knows about this blog or has spoken to me within the past 5 years. I just feel like my new openness/bitchiness could be taken as being a "disparaging" person (hah, who knows where that's from?? I think only three of us know...) but I think most of my recent bitchiness is warranted. Hotel manager being rude and bitchy to me and my friends? I'll be a bitch to you. Idiot who doesn't have elevator etiquette? I'll be a bitch when you don't hold the door for me and your friends stand in the way of me getting inside. Sarcasm? Not being a bitch, but sorry if it is taken as being bitchy.

I also wanted to get that whole middle school stuff off my chest since I don't think I've ever talked about it with anyone other than Darryl. A couple of you made it known during middle school that it wasn't me you were ignoring--the ignoring of Vivian was kind of a package deal including me, though. We were all young and stupid.

Work it out

Working out on a regular basis is good for so many reasons, but one of the reasons that I hate working out--other than lethargy--is BACNE! UGH! I'm sure it's due to working out/sweating while there's oil and dead skin on my body, but if I showered before I worked out, it would dry out my skin and hair since I shower right after.

Have any of you found some way to prevent this embarrassing condition?

Totally tubular

Recently I acquired $45 worth in gift cards to Bloomingdale's, so I decided to check out what the Century City one had in stock. I prefer the South Coast Plaza Bloomies, but at 2 p.m., traffic would be horrendous going and coming.

I found a ton of stuff I really liked, but I decided that the ivory jacket with HUGE gold buttons was too blingy, and that the James Perse shirt was not worth the money (eBay!!) However, I found a really cute Theory dress (Tubular Tyran in Urchin) on sale for $136 that was "one size fits all." It really means "one size fits most," but after debating whether or not I should buy it, I reasoned with myself that it would be perfect for casual events, weddings, and for when I get fatter, skinnier, or pregnant. It is fuschia (eek,) but I think I pull off bright pink fairly well...

Here it is! I think it looks better on me, but you can be the judge when I put a picture of myself up ...

Inspired

Most girls my age loved Full House, but now that I'm older and the Olsen twins are older, I now love the style choices that the Olsen twins make. I was browsing the Forever 21 site and discovered this simple yet versatile dress. With some simple sandals and a bright cardigan, it could work for the daytime. For a night look, I would wear it with a slouchy 3/4 sleeve blazer (a la MK Olsen) and some hot studded heels. Time for a Forever 21 trip!